The One with the Text Message/Script
but Nikki is by the Big Squeeze. Jen and Caitlin are looking through magazines for dress ideas. Caitlin: "What about this one?" Jen: "Too poofy. Ooh, how about that?" Caitlin: "That is hot. You could totally carry that off." Wyatt: "Still looking for new styles for the dance tomorrow night?" Jude: "Why not wear something you already have?" Jen: "Yeah right." Caitlin: "This is our first homecoming dance." Jen: "We've been saving our paychecks for a month!" Caitlin: "It's a major milestone in a girl's life!" Jude: "Is this major for dudes too?" Jonesy: "No." Jude: "Cool." Jonesy: "I don't know why you're going with those guys anyway. Jerry and Pete are wimps!" Caitlin: "They are not! They're athletes." Jonesy: "Tennis isn't a sport." Jen: "And what qualifies as a sport?" Jonesy: "You have to be able to knock someone else down." Caitlin: "Tennis players have amazing bodies." Jonesy: "Wimps." Jen: "Okay, I am ending this conversation now." Jude: "Well, I'm flying solo." Caitlin: "You are? Why?" Jude: "I just feel that I should be focusing all of my energy on my skating at this particular time." Jonesy: "Starr hasn't taken you back after that barfing incident?" Jude: "Not yet." Caitlin: "Well I don't care what you think. Jerry is hot and I can't wait!" girls squeal, and the guys cover their ears. ---- The opening credits roll. The title of this episode is '''The One with the Text Message' ---- ''five are still discussing the dance. Jen: "So who's your date for the dance?" Jonesy: "I'm still waiting for that world-famous supermodel to call me back, but if she doesn't, Nikki and I will probably kick it together." Caitlin: "And Wyatt and Serena are going." Wyatt: "You know it. It's the first time I'm going to a high school dance with a girlfriend. Check it out." holds up a jewelry box. "It's our two-and-a-half month anniversary today." Jen: "Aww, Wyatt!" Caitlin: "That's so sweet!" Jonesy: "Two-and-a-half month anniversary? What is that?" Jude: "You gotta get a girl a present for half a month?" Wyatt: "No, you don't have to, I just–I dunno–wanted to." Jonesy: "Maybe if you're lucky, your wimpy dates will bring you presents." tosses a fry at Jen. It bounces off her face. Jen picks it up and throws it back. Jonesy: "Hey!" grabs the rest of his fries and heaves them. They fly over Jen's head and hit Charmaine, who is walking towards them with Serena. Wyatt: nervous "Serena. Charmaine. What's up?" two walk past him without a word. Wyatt turns to Jonesy. "Nice going! You just hit my girlfriend's friend with a fry!" Jude: "If she had better reflexes, it could have been a snack." walks up to the table, talking on her cell. Nikki: "Right. Thanks for the tip. Later." ends the call. Jonesy: "What's happening?" Nikki: "Rumor has it my parents are at the mall today." shivers. "I told them I'd be at the library today studying." Wyatt: "But it's a P. D. day." Jude: "P. D. Party, dudes. We're not supposed to be studying." Nikki: "Tell that to Mr. and Mrs. Everyone In Our Family Gets Straight A's? If they catch me they'll ground me." Caitlin: "Then you won't be able to go to the dance!" Nikki: "Jude, I need you to run interference. You're good at distracting people." Jude: "It's my good looks. What are they wearing?" Nikki: "Uh, probably something from 1979." Jude: "Right. I'm on it!" ---- and Chad are talking at Spin This. Serena: "And Daniel Radcliffe on the Eiffel Tower? That hat he was wearing? Oh, so bad." laugh. Chad: "Mad ugly chapeau, garçon." Wyatt: "Hey Serena. Can I talk to you?" Chad: "I've got some work to do anyway. Catch you later." leaves. Serena: "What's up?" Wyatt: "I was going to give this to you tomorrow, but since today's our actual anniversary...here." hands over his gift. Serena: "Wow. Wyatt, it's really beautiful. I uh, didn't get you anything." Wyatt: "That's cool. I'm just glad you like it. Want me to help you put it on?" Serena: "Actually, I think I'll save it. It's too special just to wear at work." Wyatt: "That's cool. Hey, wanna meet me at the food court at lunch?" Serena: "Oh! Okay. Sure." Wyatt: "Cool. Maybe you can get to know the gang before the dance. Seeya!" Serena: "Seeya." sighs. ---- and Jen walk through the mall. Caitlin: "So, I already blew half my budget on these strappy shoes. They're three inches high!" Jen: "Can you walk in them?" Caitlin: "Shoes that are made for walking are never the cute shoes. Ooh! Pit stop. C'mon." Jen: "Huh?" drags her off. Jonesy: work "Step right up, we've got fancypants butternut squash, this brown mushroom one, and an old-school chicken noodle that's not half bad!" Caitlin: Jen "And I thought my hat was ugly." Jonesy: "I heard that." Caitlin: "The mushroom one is the best." Jen: "I'm allergic to mushrooms." Caitlin: "What happens if you eat them? You wouldn't die or anything, would you?" Jen: "Uh-uh. I just get a huge stomachache. Last time I ate something with mushrooms in the sauce, I was in the El Sporto washroom for four hours." Caitlin: "Ew." other customers agree with Caitlin's reaction and leave, no longer hungry. Jonesy: "Back it up, stinky, you're scaring away the customers!" Jen: "So, we've got all day to find the perfect dress. Where should we start?" gasps and drops her soup. Caitlin: "Oh. My. Gosh." the Khaki Barn window is a dress-clad mannequin. Caitlin runs to it and slams full force into the window. ---- is looking at the dress. Caitlin: "I was born to wear this dress." Kirsten: "It's called the 'Look at Me' dress 'cause everyone will look at you when you wear it." Jen: "It's so pretty. Do you have it in any other colors?" Kristen: "Oh, no. This is the last one in like the whole store." Jen: "You did see it first. Oh go for it." Caitlin: "Eee! Thanks Jen!" ---- has tried on the dress. Jen: "Oh, it's such a great dress!" Caitlin: "Thanks! We'll find you your dream dress too, don't worry." goes into the dressing room, and Jen sighs. Caitlin: "AAAAHHH!" runs out of the changing room. "Oh no! I can't afford this! I've already bought those shoes." Kirsten: snobby "I guess nobody'll be looking at you. Come again when you have more money. Have a Khaki day!" and Jen exit the store as Kirsten puts the dress back on the mannequin. Jen stops and looks at the dress. She then imagines herself at the dance in it. She smiles. ---- dudes have gathered at the table. Jonesy: "Okay, this guy at Soup Village says it's impossible to eat ten crackers in one minute without a drink. A buck says neither of you can do it." Jude: "You're on." walks by shortly thereafter and sees all three guys with their mouths full of crackers. Serena: "Hey guys. What are you doing?" Jonesy: "Stuffing our faces." Wyatt: "It was a dare." Jude: "Nothing." Wyatt: swallowing "Wanna join us?" Jonesy: full "You could help with a little experiment we're doing." coughs and spits out his mouthful of chewed-up crackers. Jonesy: full "Yes, I told you! It's impossible! You guys owe me a buck." Serena: away "I'll catch you later, Wyatt." ---- looks in the mirror at herself in the "Look at Me" dress. Jen: "Okay, I look so hot in this!" Nikki: "I thought you couldn't afford it." Jen: "No, Caitlin couldn't afford it. Don't tell her I bought it, though." Nikki: "You do realize you're going to the same dance?" Jen: "Yes, but once she finds her new perfect dress, she'll forget all about this one!" that moment, Caitlin walks in. She sees Jen, and both of them gasp. Nikki: "Uh oh." Caitlin: over "Jen? What are you doing in my new dress?" Nikki: whispering "Good plan." Jen: "N-nothing? What are you doing here?" Caitlin: "I decided I really wanted the dress, so I returned my new shoes." Kristen: "Too late. She's buying it." gasps and looks at Jen angrily. Jen: "Okay, calm down. It's not really your dress, Caitlin." Caitlin: angry "I am calm, and yes it is, dress-stealer!" Clones gasp. Jen: "I don't see your name on it." Caitlin: "But I saw it first! That's like, totally against girl rules!" Jen: "The 'I saw it first' rule doesn't count if you can't buy it, right Nikki?" Nikki: "Oh no, I'm not getting dragged into this. I'm going for lunch." leaves. Chrissy: to Jen "I agree with her." Caitlin: upset "But it's my Look at Me dress." Kristen: "Yeah, you can't do that to someone?" Chrissy: "Ring ring, wake up call? It can't be her dress if she's buying it." Kristen and Kirsten: "Hmph." Jen: "Thank you." goes back into the changing room. Caitlin: "That's it. We are so not going to the dance together!" Jen: "Fine!" Caitlin: "Fine!" The Clones: "Fine!" ---- guys are still discussing food experiences when Nikki walks up. Jude: "...but once I ate so much chocolate I started to shake." Jonesy: "Cool." Nikki: "Ah, yet another stimulating conversation. AAAH!" dives under the table. She seems to be scared of a middle-aged Asian couple in outdated clothes. Mrs. Wong: the Big Squeeze "Hello? Anyone home?" Nikki: whispering "Quick! Do something!" Jude: whispering "Okay." clears his throat and stands up. He then begins waving his arms and yelling. Jude: "FFIIIIIRRRRREEEEE! QUICK, EVACUATE THE MALL!!! NOW! DON'T JUST STAND THERE! RUN!" pushes Nikki's parents away. "SAVE YOURSELVES!" Nikki: "Oh, that was so embarrassing. Did you see those outfits? They had those before I was born." and Wyatt laugh. Wyatt: laughing "They were pretty stylish." Jude: back "They won't be bothering you for a little while." phone rings. He sees it's a text and opens it. Nikki: "Aw, lovebirds exchanging poems over their phones now?" Jonesy: laughing "Let me guess. It says, 'I wuv you my wittle Wyattkins!!!'" Jude: "No, 'ba-ba-wa-wa-shmoopy-woopy!'" looks up from his phone, shocked. Wyatt: "I don't get it." looks around. "I think she just dumped me. On a text message!" at the table leans in to read it. ---- four teenagers at the table have absorbed what just happened. Jude: "No way." Nikki: "She broke up with you on a text message? What was she thinking?!? Even I'd never do that." Jude: "That's harshing my mellow, dude." Jonesy: the message "'It's not you, it's me?' Yeah right. Hate to break it to you dude, but it's definitely you." Caitlin: offscreen "Okay, you cannot believe what Jen just did to me!" comes up to her friends. Jonesy: "Can it top Serena dumping Wyatt in a text message?" Caitlin: gasping "You poor thing! Why are you just sitting around? He needs tissues, sad music, and chocolate fudge sundaes, stat!" Jude: off "I'm on the ice cream!" Nikki: "I'll grab the tissues." leaves. Caitlin: out some headphones "Here. I have some really sad Sarah McLachlan preprogrammed for the first day after breakup. And some Alanis Morrisette for later, when you hit the angry phase." Wyatt: dully "No thanks." Caitlin: "I think I know best, Wyatt. I've been dumped more than anyone." puts the headphones on him. Wyatt: "No! Chick music! Jonesy!" pulls the headphones off. Jonesy: "I'll tell you what he needs: a new, hotter girlfriend. And I'm gonna find one for you. Come on, I've got a great gig for meeting chicks." hustles Wyatt off. Caitlin: "You can't skip the ice cream stage! Come back!" sighs. "They never listen." a prior concern "My dress! I've gotta get shopping!" ---- and Wyatt are at the soup restaurant. Jonesy fixes his hat. Jonesy: "Okay. I'll be your wingman. Just try to look cool." looks nothing but despondent. "Hmm...okay, maybe you need more of a pilot. I'll flirt on your behalf. Look alive, incoming hotties." girl with a blonde wave in her hair and a girl in a blue sweater pass by. Jonesy: "Hey there. Looking for a date?" Blonde Wave Girl: snickering "Yeah right. Nice hat." Jonesy: "Oh, it's not for me. It's for my friend." gestures to the sad sack. Fine Girl: "He doesn't look very fun." walk away. Jonesy: "Dude, I can't help you here if you don't want to help yourself. Those were Grade-A hotties." Wyatt: gasping "It's Serena!" throws himself onto the floor behind the counter. Jonesy: his friend up "Dude, you've got to show her that you're back on the market." and Charmaine come up to the store. Serena: "Hey Wyatt." stares at her, depressed. "O–kay then." and Charmaine leave. Jonesy: "Pathetic." ---- is letting a customer look at a snowboard. Caitlin is with her. Caitlin: "Jen, I think I should just re-remind you that I saw it first." Jen: "Already bought it, remember?" Caitlin: "That's why you should take it back and let me buy it! It's only fair." Jen: "Caitlin, forget it! There are hundreds of dresses in this mall." Caitlin: "But I've been looking all day, and I haven't found anything I like. It's my dream dress!" begging "Pleeeeaaaasssseeeee???" Jen: "Hmm..." Caitlin: "You just don't want to give it to me because you know I look cuter in it than you do." hits a nerve. Jen: "Oh, that's it. You can follow me around all day, but I suggest you spend your energy shopping for a new dress instead, because I am not giving you mine!" Caitlin: "Fine! I will!" Jen: "Fine! Go then!" Caitlin: "I am!" storms off. ---- is walking through the mall when she spots her parents. Nikki: "Nuts!" dives behind some plants and calls someone. "Jude, I need you now! Aisle three, just outside the Barn!" Jude: "Be right there." enough, Jude rushes up to the Wongs. Jude: "Mr. and Mrs. Wong? Remember me? I'm the kid that peed in Nikki's Mr. Fishy pool! Have you seen the sick underwater exhibit here? They let you feed fish heads to the sharks." leads them off. exits the bushes and walks off. She calls someone on her cell phone. Jude's phone rings. Jude: "Excuse me." up "Yo." Nikki: "Good work. There's a giganto-size popcorn in this for you if you keep them busy for a few more hours." Jude: "Nice, I'm in." hang up. Nikki heads into the Khaki Barn and finds Wyatt crouched on the floor. Nikki: "Hey Wyatt, what's up?" Wyatt: "What am I going to do?" Nikki: "The first thing you need is answers. You can't get closure without answers. Like, how could she do it on text messaging?!?" Kristen: "You got dumped on text messaging?" Kirsten: "That is so cold!" gets up. Nikki: "So, are you ready to confront her?" Wyatt: "I think so. I just need to know." Nikki: "Then let's do it." ---- is at the Big Squeeze. She sighs as Jude approaches. Jude: "What's the matter, dudette?" Caitlin: "I have nothing to wear to the dance." Jude: "Bummer. Maybe a taste of my newest creation will cheer you up. Mushroom pizza stick-its." Caitlin: a bite "This is actually really good." Jude: "It's the ground-up mushrooms that give it that delicious fungusy flavor. Kinda like feet." Caitlin: "I wouldn't use that in your ads. Where are Nikki's parents?" Jude: "Feeding sharks. I thought I'd introduce them to a little culture." Jen: up and seeing the snacks "That looks so good. I'm starving." Caitlin: "Yeah, taking other peoples dresses really works up an appetite." and Caitlin look away from each other. Jude: "What's going on?" Caitlin: "Why don't you ask Jen?" sweetly "Hey Jen, stolen anyone else's dress lately?" Jen: "Okay, you need to get a grip on reality here. It's just a dress." Caitlin: "Yeah, my dress!" Jen: "Okay, look. I'll help you find another one." takes a stick-it. Caitlin: "Wait! Jen!" Jen: pausing "What?" remembers what Jen said about mushrooms and her. Memory Jen: "Last time I ate mushrooms, I was in the El Sporto washrooms for four hours." Caitlin: sweetly "Oh, nothing." Jen: it "Mmm. Jude, this is the best stick-it I've ever tasted." Caitlin: "I know, right? So good!" takes another few stick-its and walks off. Jude: "The mushroom pizza stick-it is a triumph! I am so good at this." leaves. Caitlin: to regret her choice "Yeah. It'll be a real hit." she's done hits her. "Oh, what did I do?" ---- leads Nikki's parents through the mall. Mrs. Wong is listening to Jude's music player. Mrs. Wong: "These Weasels are awesome!" Jude: "I told you." Mrs. Wong: "Oh, I know. Let's shop where Nikki shops and get some hip new threads." have arrived at the Khaki Barn. Wyatt and Nikki are inside, talking about Serena. Jude: loudly "Okay, Nikki's parents! We will shop at the Khaki Barn!" hears Jude's warning and hides. Her parents walk past, and Jude zooms up to Wyatt. Nikki looks up. Nikki: "What are you doing in here?" Jude: "They said they wanted to shop where you shop." Nikki: "I don't shop here." Kristen: "Check out the fetch vintage! This is so me in forty years." Nikki: whispering "Get them out of here!" nods and runs over. Jude: "Do you want to look boring like everyone else? Or would you rather I put you in some sick threads and make you look cool, like me?" Mr. Wong: "Like you. Dude." ---- and Wyatt are in Spin This. Nikki: "Do you need me to go with you? I could hurt her for you. I learned this really good shin kick?" Wyatt: "I need to do this on my own." Nikki: "Okay, well, I'll be here if you need me." eyes widen as Wyatt approaches the counter. She looks sad. Serena: "Hey." Wyatt: "Hey. So, I just wanted to know...why'd you break up with me?" Serena: "Well the thing is, I think I'm getting back together with Chad." Wyatt: "Chad?!?" Serena: "It just kind of happened on our senior trip to Paris." Nikki: up "You dumped Wyatt for Chad? Wyatt's one of the nicest guys in the world! And how could you break up with someone on text messaging?!?" Chad: "Ouch, that's how you did it, babe? Sorry dude, that's cold." looks at Nikki angrily and clears his throat. Nikki: "I'll just be back here." leaves them alone again. Wyatt: "I mean he's cool, but the guy's practically in a coma!" falls out of his chair. Chad: "Ouch." Serena: "It's a maturity thing. He's just cool about the things I need him to be cool about." Wyatt: "Name one time I haven't been mature." Serena: "How about when you pretended to like all those grown-up things so I'd like you." Wyatt: "Okay well yeah, there was that time." Serena: "Oh, and that time you started tripping because I was wearing that stupid old bandana, and then there was that other t–" Wyatt: "Okay okay, I get the point." Serena: "I was going to tell you, but when you gave me that present, I just couldn't do it to your face. I'm sorry I hurt you, Wyatt. You can have your bracelet back." Wyatt: "Nah, you keep it. I got it for you." walks off, saddened. Nikki: he passes her "That's it?!? You're just gonna walk away?!? Oh–I get it. You're planning revenge. I can be really useful in that regard." Wyatt: "That's okay, she's right. I wasn't mature enough for her." to impart wisdom "But one day I will be. And it'll be her loss." continue walking. Nikki: "You know when all the girls realize that bad boys aren't where it's at, they'll be fighting over you, right?" Wyatt: "When does that happen?" Nikki: they leave the store "I think around age 27." ---- gang is around the table, but one member isn't there: Jen. Caitlin: Wyatt eats ice cream "See, I told you that's what you needed. You just weren't ready yet." Jonesy: "Don't give up yet, buddy. I'm gonna find you a hot chick by tomorrow night if it kills me." Caitlin: "And I finally found a dress. So if Jonesy scares all the girls away, you can come with us." walks up, carrying her dress. Jen: "How's he doing?" Nikki: "He'll survive." Jen: "Did you find a dress?" Caitlin: "Yeah. It's not as special as yours or anything, but–" Jen: "Good. 'Cause I was thinking maybe you should get to wear the dress after all. I'll wear yours." Caitlin: happy "You will?" Jen: "Yeah. It means more to you anyway. And you did kind of see it first." hugs her. Caitlin: "Oh, thank you thank you thank you ah! You're the best." Kirsten: "There you are! Okay, we've decided you have to go with us to the dance tomorrow! We'll all be matching!" Clones stand in the food court. Each one is clad in a "Look at Me" dress. Jen gasps. Jen: "That's the Look at Me dress! You all have one?" Kristen: "Duh! Employee discount. We bought them the day they came in, they are so fetch." Kirsten: "We're doing a dress rehearsal tonight. Wanna see our routine? Five, six, seven, eight!" Clones begin to dance, in sync with one another. Jonesy: "Whoa." guys stare at this somewhat creepy routine. The Clones finish. Chrissy: "Yes!" Kirsten: "That was kickin'." Chrissy: "We're so hot." Kristen: they leave "See you at the dance tomorrow! Dress buddy." quickly swaps the dresses. Jen: "What? I told you it's yours." Caitlin: "I can't wear it now! People will think I'm with them!" Jen: "Well I don't want it." clank draws her attention. All around them, the mall is closing. Jen: "Oh man, the stores are closing! I won't even have time to exchange it for something else!" Caitlin: smiling "I guess my lame dress isn't quite as lame as yours now." Nikki: "Okay! Neither of you can go in that dress because then I'll be too embarrassed to be seen with either of you! Give them to me." and Caitlin hand their dresses over, and Nikki proceeds to rip at them and change their style. Nikki: "There. Now they're both somewhat cool." friends look at the dresses and gasp. Jen: "Nikki, these are awesome!" Caitlin: "I know!" a moment "So, are we all friends now?" Jen: "Definitely." Caitlin: "Ooh–the movies are about to start." Nikki: "Cool." Jonesy: "Let's do it." Jude: "Sweet." sudden stomach pain hits Jen, and she stops, unable to follow. Jen: "Actually, guys, I don't feel so good." and Nikki stop. Caitlin remembers what she did and runs back. Caitlin: "Oh, no. Oh, Jen, I've done something really wrong." Jen: "What are you talking about? I'm the one who stole your–dress..." Caitlin: "I think we should get you to the washrooms. Fast." ---- waits outside the bathroom while Jen and Caitlin hole up inside. The mushrooms have hit Jen. Jen: "Uhh! This feels just like that time I ate mushrooms at El Sporto's!" Caitlin: "Must have been something you ate." smell starts hitting her. "Whoof." farts. "Eww! Okay, Jen, don't worry, I'm not gonna leave your side until this is all over, okay?" farts. "I'll just–wait for you–outside the door." Jen: pained "'Kay." rushes out. Caitlin: "Nikki, it's horrible! Who knew mushrooms could be that gross?" Nikki: "Oh, I know. I was with her that day at El Sporto's. Where did Jen get the mushrooms? She's usually really careful about that." Caitlin: guilty "Okay. Maybe I shared my pizza kabob with her and maybe I didn't tell her what's in it." Nikki: "Hmm." Caitlin: "But I didn't know it would be this bad! It's not like I made her eat it! She just took it! She would have eaten it even if I wasn't there!" Nikki: "But you were. And now you're gonna be in there, by her side, until she feels better." Caitlin: sad "Enjoy the movie." enters the stinky washroom. Jen: "Yuck!" Caitlin: "Oooohhhhh...oh, sick!" ---- and Wyatt are in the front row of the theater. Jude: "Do I know how to cure a broken heart or what? Dude?" Wyatt: "I do feel a bit better." and Chad come by. Chad is carrying two bags of popcorn. Serena: "So then the guy asks her–" in front of Wyatt, Chad slips and goes down. The popcorn bags go flying, and Serena ends up wearing one of them as a hat. Wyatt: whispering "Now I feel much better!" Jude: "Du-hoo-hoo-hood." few rows back, Jonesy and Nikki are sitting together. Jonesy: "Aren't your parents at the mall today? What if they see us?" Nikki: "Oh, relax. They'd never come to a movie like this." Jonesy: "Right. Soup?" looks at him quizzically. "I got fired today, but they felt bad that I missed my dinner break, so I got some free soup. Score." rolls her eyes. Jude: "Looking good, Mr. and Mrs. Wong." parents walk by in clothes at least 25 years too young for them. Mr. Wong: "Thanks, dude." Wyatt: they pass "Aren't Nikki and Jonesy back there?" eyes bulge as he realizes what's going to happen. Mrs. Wong: "Excuse me, can we just get b–Nikki???" chokes. Nikki: shocked "Mom? Dad? What are you wearing?!? Jude!" pulls his hat down over his face. Category:Season 1